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Happy Birthday little girl - ONE YEAR OLD

August 27, 2018

Oh my god. Time flies. It was a magical year. Ok, it was also a hard time. We all learned a lot. Our little rambutan the most. From a squishy little infant to a full blown PERSON full of personality.


At this time, my water didn't break just the mucus plug solved at around 10am on a saturday. I was standing in the shower and I knew this will be the day. I had no clue what will happen the next 24hours. But actually it was totally ok. 

I admit I was a little bit nervous. What will happen now? Ok, I was not really listening at the meetings of my midwife. I love her but it was just too much information...sometimes. And anyway, the supermoms would and could tell it to me anyways. 

I was the second last of our group of ten who delivered her baby in August. Yep, I was an Augustmom or my little rambutan a "Augustbaby". What a hipster name. Sorry, Im trying not to be sarcastic but it's in my blood...



Aaaaaanyways, our stuff for the hospital was already packed and re-packed. I was waiting for my little girl the whole August. So August 26th, I was so ready, no, I was excited. 

And I can still recall the feeling and the excitement meeting a little person which I had in my belly for months and finally would meet. 


Well, that was the negative part of being exited. I couldn't sleep like my midwife always told me. "Rest or try to sleep when the water breaks and after 10hours when the contractions will be every 10minutes then call me" 


Ok, I did.

Or, no I didn't.


I couldn't sleep. Yikes. I was just so excited. The feeling was a combination of butterflies, birthday, christmas....and fear. Yes, I made it to this point and I didn't wanted to loose an another child again. Fear was in my pregnancy my companion. I had a little mantra "Stay with me" - "Bleib bei mir" when my friend fear was stronger then other feelings.




My Gynecologist was the best. She allowed me to visit and check on my child whenever I wanted. So I was weekly in her practice. Thank you for this doctor. And then there was my therapist, without her I would be lost. Lost in feelings, lost in myself of teariness. She build me up and I will be forever grateful for her as a person, for her strong and charming character and the power she gave me back. These two women were the last two years my bridge to go back to reality. Because reality in 2015 sucked so much. A painful year. When I look back I'm proud I made it, healthy and with a lot humor. 

Humor helps. 


"Why you didn't sleep??? I told you to rest. Now you have to push and you don't have the energy!!!" 

These were the words of my midwife who didn't really had the longest and best nerves. Now I'm questioning how she became a midwife with short patience. 

This was at 9pm in the evening  when she visited me in our apartment and decided to go to the hospital. 


At 10pm I was in the labor room. I wished for an another delivery room like last time. Luckily there were only two women in this night who wanted to give birth. 


Looking back, I would say the constraction pain was not so strong. I breath in and out like in yoga and it helped. But I was not strong enough to push my baby out. Actually I always fell asleep and said on one point "please let me sleep - I will push the baby later out" 

Daaaaaaa. Sometimes I am really naiv. So they gave me laughing gas and it made my life easier. But still I couldn't push my baby out. 


So an another midwife came in. She took me in her arms. I still remember her smell. She just finished a cigarette. I know, some women would say now, oh how ugly and unprofessional of a midwife. But for me it was perfect. Yes, I used to smoke, so I remember this smell with a comfort zone I used to have. A happy moment. 


I have the feeling her arms were all over me and her voice was like a cage I was sitting in. In this few seconds she built a feeling of security I haven't felt for in a long time. 

She apologized and the I looked into her eyes and we both pressed so hard. She on my belly and me, the baby out of my belly. For my it was a magical moment, I didn't feel pain or fear. I felt secureness of her. 


And then, SHE was there. SHE, my little rambutan. SHE WAS ALIVE. 




















  • She fiercely loves Jascha and thinks everything he does is hilarious.

  • She is the friendliest baby I have ever seen. Even in Paris she made people smile.

  • Until she was 10 months old she just sat on the floor and was not interested in crawling and walking.

  • Her first 3,5 teeth came in July 2018

  • She always says "lecker" 

  • Every morning she sniffs at me (while I'm sleeping)

  • She is finally “sleeping through the night” until about 5-6am each morning!

As much as I would love time to slow down, I’m so excited to see her change and grow over the next year of her life.

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